I grew up always knowing that there was a God somewhere up above. I didn't know who he is or how he would be relevant to my life. It was my parents who taught me how to love and live. Somehow that was sufficient for me then.
Being a curious child, I attended church services occasionally and even found myself attending the Overseas Christian Fellowship cell group sessions while I was in university in Melbourne. However, very quickly I came to the conclusion that it wasn't for me as I did not feel a sense of belonging there. I admit that I found it rather inconvenient that the weekly meet up sessions were held on Friday nights, a night meant for socialising at clubs with friends with different kinds of spirits.
Eventually, I graduated from university and returned to Malaysia. I went through a phase of self-discovery — questioning my values, beliefs and life in general as a young adult. The many unanswered questions essentially began to make me feel lost. It was a rather ugly downward spiral of unstable emotions and sense of loneliness. I found it mentally and physically exhausting having to wake up every morning to go to work without feeling like I had a purpose in life.
Coincidentally, or at least I thought so at that time, some friends invited me to try Alpha. I had nothing to lose as Tuesday nights were usually quiet anyway. Something just clicked within me, it was unexplainable.
It got even stranger when I found myself longing to build a relationship with Him so that I could share my burdens and worries with Him. I wanted Him to hold my hand and hear my prayers. He did exactly that and so much more, faithfully.
All the questions and doubts in my head started to clear up, a prayer at a time. Was it possible that I was being taught how to love, care and live by someone I could only feel spiritually? He taught me everything through the people around me, my Alpha friends, whom I now call my family. They have touched my life in ways they don't even realise.
I knew I had found my home.
My head believed it and my heart felt it so passionately.
It has been two years since I gave my life to my God, my closest companion and my guardian. I have never looked back since. He has opened up my heart and mind to involve myself in the things I never thought would matter to me. Emotionally, it has been a roller coaster ride for me learning about myself, my faith and my longing to reach out to disadvantaged young women. God held His hand out to guide me step by step to discover my purpose, all in His timing. Thus, I want to hold my hand out to help others discover Him and bring meaning to their lives.
I thank God for my renewed life because today I am able to love sincerely, care wholeheartedly and live purposefully.